It’s a story that’s been told over and over, so much so that it has its own memes.
There are two wolves fighting inside of you. One is evil, or symbolizes some form of darkness and hate, and the other is good, containing qualities of light and love. The one who wins the battle is ultimately the one you feed.
Makes sense, right? Shouldn’t we intentionally cultivate the qualities within ourselves that we want to grow? Neurons that fire together wire together, so nourishing the positive aspects of our being should lead us down the right path. Even the Buddha said that what you think, you become, right?
Wrong. Dead wrong.
In fact, this story is not even close. It ignores the true path to growth and healing, and can actually be counterproductive to it.
In this article, I’ll explain what’s wrong with the above metaphor and offer up a better one.
Forgetting About Consequences
Think about it: If you had two wolves in a cage together, and you only fed one, what do you think would happen?
The neglected wolf would become hungry, then starving, and then quite dangerous. It would become enraged by the unfairness of your treatment. It would not sit idly by and watch the other wolf eat; it would plot to kill the nourished wolf.
Yes, I realize this is just a metaphor and there is not literally a starving wolf inside of us, but the same lesson applies to our own psychology: That which we resist, persists. Repression doesn’t work.
Here is the first truth the proverb ignores: If we ignore our darkness, it will destroy us.
Starving an Animal
Secondly, where is your compassion? These are your animals, and you are intentionally going to starve one of them? The wolf is a living, breathing creature with its own right to life. Starving it would constitute animal abuse.
Designating any aspect of your being as unwanted is a recipe for self-criticism and self-judgement. Labeling any part of your psyche as bad or evil isolates an essential aspect of your character, one that needs to be integrated, not segregated.
“In order to be gentle and create an atmosphere of compassion for yourself, it’s necessary to stop talking to yourself about how wrong everything is–or how right everything is, for that matter.”
– Pema Chödrön
The second truth the proverb ignores: Growth without love is no growth at all. The head gets us nowhere without the heart.
Taming the Animals
Let us go back to the beginning of the story: Two wolves are fighting. Right there is your problem: the wolves are fighting. Your solution, then, should be to stop the fighting.
Think about it: Why are they fighting in the first place? Because they are locked in a cage. They are wild animals meant to roam free. Of course they are angry; they do not have enough space to be themselves. What do you think would happen if you opened the door to their cage?
As the Zen Master Suzuki recommends in meditation, “Leave your front door and your back door open. Let your thoughts come and go.” So often the problem is not our thoughts, but our attachment to them. If we simply open our minds the way we would the cage, our inner turmoil will relent.
The third truth the proverb ignores: Our e-motions are energy-in-motion. Let them roam free, and they will release their hold on us.
Entertaining the Animals
Finally, wolves are pack animals. They are the ancestors of man’s best friend, the same best friend that loves to play Frisbee and catch quail. They can be extraordinarily useful when you have a good relationship with them.
Have you ever fed a dog and seen how happy it becomes? Why not do the same for that supposedly evil wolf?
Become the “alpha” to your inner experience–not a dominating force, but the straight, tall, equanimous presence that conveys peace, humility, and respect. Be like Rumi, who laughs the entire time he entertains guests at his house.
Some versions of the story include feeding and guiding both wolves as the final step. It would suit us to finish the story.
The fourth truth the proverb ignores: We must enter into right relationship with everything inside of us.
Instead: Let Your Lion Lie with Your Lamb
What is a better metaphor than starving one wolf? This one comes all the way from the Bible: the great potential of when “the lion shall lie down with the lamb.”
As Henri Nouwen wrote in his book The Inner Voice of Love, there are aspects of ourselves that are strong and protective, and others that are sensitive and nurturing. We need to push through certain times of our lives and surrender to other times.
Together, lions, lambs, wolves and everything else can be positive guiding forces in our lives.
We want to welcome the diversity of our experiences so that all parts can live in happiness and harmony.
