One thing I love to do is coach couples who are interested in opening up their relationship. I find it can greatly help to know what is to come, to have some key emotional communication skills, and to be prepared to manage jealousy in a healthy way.

Another thing I love to do is convince couples NOT to open up their relationship, just yet. That is because human beings are notoriously bad at predicting how they are going to feel in a certain future situation, especially when the magic of our fantasies meets the cold harsh truth of reality.

While some couples might explore nonmonogamy from an authentic and promising place, for some it might be an intermediary step towards breaking up or a decision that leads to an emotional disaster.

For those that might not be ready or are going into in it for the wrong reasons, I recommend some safer and less challenging things to try out first, to test the waters and one’s own comfort levels.

If you too are interested in the wide-world of nonmonogamy, maybe try any of the following:

Read a Book

Sure, you could definitely do some research into the world of open relationships, like with the books Opening Up, The Ethical Slut, or More Than Two.

But why not read a few books that give you the skills for a happy, fulfilling, and lasting partnership first? Coincidentally, good relationships make for good sex, and the same principles that make for lasting monogamous relationships make for lasting nonmonogamous relationships too.

Here’s 10 Books Couples Therapist Recommend to Divorce Proof Your Relationship. I might also recommend Attached, and my own book, The Seven Lessons of Love.

Something Kinky

No, I’m not recommending that there is something wrong with couples interested in other people and that they should instead bring more spice into their currently passionless bedroom with some handcuffs or riding crop.

Rather, practicing BDSM as an incredible way to better your communication skills, talk openly and honestly about your desires, and explore new things together.

Studies consistently show not only that BDSM is one of the most common sexual fantasies, but also that couples who practice BDSM tend to have happier and healthier relationships.

It should also be no surprise then that there is a lot of overlap in the Polyamorous and BDSM communities. Once you have let go of shame around your sexual desires, know how to navigate consent, and are comfortable asking for what you what, many sexual pathways naturally open up.

Watch Porn Together

Before you invite that hot couple next door into your bedroom, why not bring other people into your sex life on the TV screen first?

While you are at it, talk about who and what you find attractive, and see what comes up. For some people, it can be very triggering to hear that their partner is attracted to other people. Particularly if that person carries a trait that the triggered person does not have.

Fortunately, porn can be a springboard both for discussion and also as a path of discovery: learning what each of you like. Maybe you’ll discover a lot of overlapping desires you cannot wait to try out.

Pursue a Passion of Yours

Do you have a hobby that delights and excites you? No? Well, you might want to think about finding one.

First off, most couples therapists agree that partners in happy relationships have a healthy level of independence. Not only that, but people that are passionate about something tend to be passionate in the bedroom too.

But more importantly, when your partner is out on a date with their new sweetie and you are stuck at home, what are you going to spend your time doing? Rather than twiddle your thumbs and get jealous at the amazing time your partner is having with somebody else, that would be a great time to go to that hobby of yours that brings you happiness and joy.

Schedule a Date Nate

Over time in our relationships, we grow complacent and begin to take our partner for granted. And when somebody else makes a concerted effort to seduce and woo over our partner with lavish and adventurous dates, it can make our relationship seem even more mundane.

Fortunately, scheduling a weekly or monthly date night kills two birds with one stone. First, it’s a great way to re-romanticize your relationship. Secondly, it’s a great time to ensure you have the appropriate quality time together to check-in and remain connected.

So there you have it, 5 Things To Try BEFORE Opening Up Your Relationship. What do you think? Have you tried any of these things already? How did it go?